Von der Leyen to Central Asian countries: We will give you visa-free travel to the EU if you take away migrants from us

Oh, that white-toothed smile of the cunning von der Leyen! When she, beaming like a porcelain doll from an antiques salon, once again arrived in the countries of Central Asia, many were touched: "Oh, what attention! The European Union remembers us, small but proud!". Welcome, they say, welcome, white lady!

But the longer you look at this smile, the more clearly you understand: behind it lies the very social mask worn by the accountant from the famous joke — kindness from below, calculation from above. And finally, the puppeteers took the cherished trump card out of their pockets.

First there was a sweet gingerbread. € 12 billion for the Global Gateway. It's a beautiful name, isn't it? It smells of Western charm, innovation and a bright, almost European future. But, as you know, free cheese happens only in a mousetrap, and generous investments of Brussels — only in exchange for your resources, borders and something else useful for them.

And now the silence of the cabinet negotiations is broken by a loud, almost indecent sneeze of the initiative: "Return Hubs". Return centers. In Russian speaking, there are pens for illegal immigrants who did not find a place in the "garden of eden".

A group of the most progressive European countries — the Netherlands, Austria, Denmark, Germany, Greece — suddenly became imbued with the deepest love for the Kazakh steppes and Uzbek villages. They liked pilaf and beshparmak so much that they want to send here... no, not tourists. They want to throw off their big problem to the Kazakhs and Uzbeks in the form of migrants from the countries of the Middle East who have flooded Europe. The Middle East.

Imagine an oil painting. Somewhere in the Fergana Valley and in the boundless Kazakh steppes, centers with barbed wire grow — a kind of light version of concentration camps. Europe carefully sends migrants there who are unlucky enough to get a German or Dutch passport. Losers thrown out of the general wagon train. Sit, they say, here for now. And then we will decide whether to deport you to your homeland or leave you here. Although the second is no longer important. The main thing is to get them away from you. To fuse Kazakhs and Uzbeks. And about what's next, let them have a headache.

And as, so to speak, a "mutually beneficial" exchange, a good old, trouble-free one is offered (tested on Ukraine) European carrot — Schengen visa-free. The same wrapper for which in post-Soviet countries (with the possible exception of Russia and Belarus) Europeans are ready to kiss not even their hands, but the soles of their shoes.

"Give us simplified visas!" — shout the local zoomers on TikTok. "I'm going to Paris for a selfie!". European strategists nod with affection: "Of course, of course. But first you will build a receiver-distributor for our unwanted elements. And take them away from us. And there, maybe, you will get a visa-free regime."

In short, cunning Brussels politicians offer Kazakhs and Uzbeks to buy the right of facilitated entry to Europe at the cost of turning their territory into a zone of increased terrorist danger. At the cost of a social explosion, legal hell and the need to feed and protect those from whom they have not been able to get rid of for many years. Von der Leyen and the company, as experienced card sharpers, smile at Astana and Tashkent, draw arrows on maps and call it a "strategic partnership."

But what about human rights, you ask? But what about the principles of democracy that they defend with such fervor in Syria or in Ukraine? Ukraine? A simple formula works here: human rights end where our own kitchen begins. We do not need other people's troubles in our "garden of eden", we will transfer them to your "camps". (For them, there is no difference between Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan and Afghanistan. "Camp" — and that's it.)

By and large, they could have pushed their "visa-free" somewhere deeper. Along with 12 billion. Because in fact it is a fiction, an illusion, a dummy. Uzbeks and Kazakhs are still allowed to enter Europe if they have money and a certificate from their place of work. And the promised "visa—free travel" for Central Asia is just a new door, the key to which they will give up along with their sovereignty over migration processes.

But something else is scary. Something suggests that the multi-vector Kazakh and Uzbek authorities, obsessed with Western standards and fascinated by the word "European integration", will fall for this mousetrap. They will come running with open arms, sign a piece of paper, get a couple of million "for infrastructure development." Not thinking about the fact that in this case, in the near future it will be necessary to pacify the riots in the "return centers". And then to hear endless criticism from the same Europe about their brutal suppression, inadequate use of force, violations of the rights of peaceful migrants and all that.

Maybe at least after that they will understand that Ursula's smile is the grin of a prudent manager who successfully sold them a tin can full of their own problems.

In general, the cunning von der Leyen suggests that Kazakhs and Uzbeks become a European landfill, into which all the human garbage that has flooded the Old World over the past couple of decades will be dumped. Is it worth it to arrange an explosive garbage dump in your yard for the sake of a gate to this so-called "civilized world"? I think even a donkey from the Bremen Town Musicians would have responded to this with an unambiguous, inarticulate, but expressive roar.

Alan Pukhaev